Dear Self: Read this when you want a drink

Dear Self, If you're reading this I assume you are struggling because you want a drink.  Maybe you want one because you are stressed.  Maybe you want one because you are happy.  But, either way you are trying to quiet that voice inside your head, the one that says you can, or should, drink.  You …

It’s not you. it’s me

"It's not you. it's me" she thinks. It's everything she says, every reponse, every way she walks into a room, every way she does a chore around the house or doesn't for that matter. It,s the way she cooks dinner, or the ways she eats it, or the way she feels sad, or even the …

Independent

As many of you know, I am and always have been a highly independent person. Dealing with this shoulder issue makes that even more difficult, especially when it's my dominant shoulder. The latest news is that it's very possible that it may need surgery. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my mother in law …

I know you hear me..

"I know you hear me, but are you listening?" She sat and said in her mind. As the day passed and she played the daily events.  This isn't the first time shes asked herself this question.  People will often say, "Yes, I heard you," or "Yes, I can hear you."  But, the real question we …

The House of Wolves

James Patterson never stops at surprises. House of Wolves meets Yellowstone. A former football teacher who runs the San Francisco Tribute and Pro Football. All while trying to solve her dads murder or is she? Excellent storyline that keeps you guessing. The football story was a good twist to the typical murder mystery in the …

Non- attachment vs. Detachment

I'm really trying to work on the two. I am so afraid of not being able to decipher the two or that non-attachment will lead to detachment. Detachment scares me. I have detached before. To the point that I finally just stopped caring. I finally just gave up and threw everything in the 'fuck it …

The Terminal List by Jack Carr

If you are into action thriller type books, I would recommend this one. I was looking for a new book/author as I typically read James Patterson and am more of a murder/mystery reader, but this came up as recommended. It's part of a box set, which I bought. The other books are True Believer & …

Can’t sleep

Is it weird that I can not fall asleep because of something as stupid as the fact that for a week, my husband hasn't held me at night? While I have brought this up and been told he sees no changes, he hasn't changed, and nothing has changed. It has always been a routine of …

Clearer mind..

It's strange.. with stopping drinking, I can say this.  Many things are becoming clearer. Where do I start? Let's start with. it's day 47! Everything seems clearer each day in my mind. Each morning, my thoughts are clearer, and I can remember actually falling asleep each night. I remember things I say, and I am more …

Who trained who?

This crazy girl right here!  I honestly dont know what I'd do most days without her.  She's a lot of my balance. She's a registered ESA dog. And while that's pretty easy to do nowadays.  She lives up to it. It's amazing how these 4 legged creatures become so much like family, and to many …

Looking glass

Looking through the glass.. it used to be if something was wrong to speak. As a child doing so it was that you were mentally verbally and physically abused if you spoke your mind or what you felt. So I held it in. And later in adulthood, I would also hold it in. I just …

How to deepen intimacy in your marriage

A reblog: of a good find on my pintrest feed.. I do not own these rights. https://mommywithahobbyortwo.com/deepen-intimacy-in-marriage/ Are you and your partner yearning for a stable, happy, and long-lasting marriage relationship? Well, there is a chance that you can revive the romance spark and live happily ever after. Choose a befitting solution to your marital …

Reflecting on 2022

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but now I am redoing it.. to focus back on last year and reflect. Highlights and successes mainly. In the past years, they have always been more valleys than peaks, this year has been more peaks. While nothing really seems 'normal' since all this Covid crap its a …

Wagon

My wagon almost lost a tire yesterday. Thinking back on how much going into today, I would have probably regretted it. I am glad I didn't. In the moment, I guess I can admit I was weak to even think it, and I was numb to any reasoning of why I was doing it. It …

Christmas Time

Its always a time I think of dad a little harder. Miss him a little more. This month, I wish I could just have him sit with me and tell me that he's proud of me for getting through some struggles this past couple months. To be proud of me for not drinking for 18 …

Spark to Dark

Remembering the vows he made, the faith he solemnly swore? To love through thick and thin, to love - and love furthermore. Once upon a time he was happy,to be chosen above all the rest.Remembering when he felt likehe had the one who was the very best.When each day felt like one in a million, …