Wagon

My wagon almost lost a tire yesterday. Thinking back on how much going into today, I would have probably regretted it. I am glad I didn't. In the moment, I guess I can admit I was weak to even think it, and I was numb to any reasoning of why I was doing it. It …

Christmas Time

Its always a time I think of dad a little harder. Miss him a little more. This month, I wish I could just have him sit with me and tell me that he's proud of me for getting through some struggles this past couple months. To be proud of me for not drinking for 18 …

Spark to Dark

Remembering the vows he made, the faith he solemnly swore? To love through thick and thin, to love - and love furthermore. Once upon a time he was happy,to be chosen above all the rest.Remembering when he felt likehe had the one who was the very best.When each day felt like one in a million, …

Shower thoughts – epiphany

This morning I had an epyphany. In the past I have been in relationships wher my partner always wanted to have sex and be active where I just could not get to the point of being aroused or interested, it got to where their interest became even more of a turn off. This morning it …

Dear Self: Read this when you want a drink

Dear Self, If you're reading this I assume you are struggling because you want a drink.  Maybe you want one because you are stressed.  Maybe you want one because you are happy.  But, either way you are trying to quiet that voice inside your head, the one that says you can, or should, drink.  You …

Maybe its to soon

Maybe it's too soon to be proud, even if no one else can be, see, or even know. But, I am proud of myself, regardless. It's been a rough battle this past week, on top of many battles inside myself. Last Sunday, I had my last drop of alcohol. God, how that makes me sound …

Trying, changes, adjustments & sacrifices

When you continue to hear from the one you love that they worry about you because of habits around your depression you want to listen.  You also are trying to cope in the ways you know best and trying to protect them without hiding, which is in the past the only way you know best. …

I’m tired, boss.

I'm tired, boss. Not the tired that sleep can cure. Tired of being strong. Tired of always feeling not feeling good enough. Tired of failing. Tired of being broken. Tired and wish it could be squeezed from me. Tired and wish it could be loved in me anyhow. Tired and understanding that it can't and …

December 6, 2017

Looking at the calendar, I think back. Two days from today, 5 years ago, I was walking into Saltgrass for a date, unknowing what it would bring. I had all but given up on dating. But this time, we had been talking for a few weeks almost daily, and it seemed we had much in …