2013 in a small nutshell

january- hardware removed from hand February- got own apartment March - hospitalized for 3 days for infection under incision. April - still making apartment a place to call home little by little, after released from hospital stay. May - got cancer ribbons added to my dream and believe wrist tatoos. For my family and friends … Continue reading 2013 in a small nutshell

Ready for the new year

2013 wasn't the best year.  -- Hand surgery continues-- Hospitalized for infection from hand-- June- Depression hits hard with a vengeance, It was bad but got worse-- Suicide attempt in August-- Hospitalized for a week -- 6 weeks outpatient-- Therapy twice a week-- Doctors twice a month-- Pushing away my best friend, while my head and … Continue reading Ready for the new year

The time is NOW

After my heart and mind battling each other I had to finally come to the realization that with my ex, my soul mate, my first true love and the LOML, that we can not obtain a healthy relationship. That people can be in love and it still not work, that they will always be in … Continue reading The time is NOW

Take my heart just rip it out….

quote of the day “you have a heart bigger than most that sees the most in everyone’s heart” That may just be my problem right there. I believe in the good, try to oversee the bad, I allow chances..  Yes I have been in love, I have loved and been loved.. but maybe because I … Continue reading Take my heart just rip it out….

what does it feel like??

This came up in therapy yesterday, some people say "I know you need this to feel better, this will make you feel better, I wish you felt better" What no one understands is this isn't like I have the flu and can wake up after a few days and just say "wow, I feel so … Continue reading what does it feel like??

Healthy Detachment

"Detachment can become a habitual response in the same manner that obsessing, worrying, and controlling become habitual responses--with practice." Healthy detachment is about: * allowing others to be themselves. * reversing the need to rescue, save or fix anyone who is ill, dysfunctional, or irrational. * reversing the need to be rescued, saved, or fixed … Continue reading Healthy Detachment

Daily Law of Attraction

You're always getting a perfect vibrational match to what you predominantly give your attention to. But you've got to make the best of it. You've got to vibrate slightly different from where you are if you are going to improve where you are. You can't keep taking score of where your business is or your … Continue reading Daily Law of Attraction

trying my best

Im struggling with guilt and shame to make a decision I know I need to make.. although Im not sure what that decisions is.   IF I don't soon there is no telling whats going to happen, My anxiety is high, stress is high, the punish-er is loving it.. No matter how shattered my heart is.. … Continue reading trying my best

Make it all go away

Bring me back to life. I wish i could be rescued from all this.. Safe.. Able to trust others.. And most of all have me back that i believed died in august.. I always said im good until i lose my dads humor.. I think in being ashamed of me for trying to taken life … Continue reading Make it all go away

Poem: the bathroom floor

Blood on the carpet, And on the bathroom floor. He won the battle, she is fighting an emotional war. The love of two people She felt the blame and shame Two people she has or will hurt Her heart being to blame. She is so selfless, so forgiving So wishing to believe. But in the … Continue reading Poem: the bathroom floor

processing yesterday

So last night before i fell into a 45 minute panic attack similar to the one I had about 14 months ago but this time I had my pills.. Took a few more than prescribed but needed to was either gonna black out or throw up or maybe both. Ended up taking 3 2mg pills … Continue reading processing yesterday