Its all winning again..

*graphic image warning* Cuts over cuts from the other day.. On the plus side it seems to only like my left arm. The skins so dry from gauze and well theres not much area left.. So it more so just left dry marks on the skin. I left to go for a drive as the …

Thanksgiving memories

Of nothing good.. Past fee days haven't been as night before I was texting charlie, work related because sites I need to work weren't and he could remotely try. I got that "hes too involved in our relationship and Ive had 8-10 people agree. (Wait I should talk about issues ee resolve in therapy or …

Poem: tired of..

Tired of hurting Tired of bleeding. Tired of this need Of safety I'm needing. Tired of internal hurt And external pain. Tired of feeling Like Im going insane. Tired of the depression and confusing fight. Tired of each day Not seeing some light. Tired of losing the Battle at heart. Tired of feeling Im falling …

Poem: lonely

The silence fills the air Two people in a room. Both say nothing So I sit and assume. It was agreed in therapy i be alone today. I guess even with a body here My wish granted away. I cant take the tension, The stress the do no right. And yet I still sit here …

Poem: the fight

The heart pumps the blood. The same blood my cuts flood. Putting up a long Hard fight. To feel my heart just get tight. Giving in to make things work. But in the end i do No right, Im the jerk. Giving im to all i am, losing all self control, Fighting a fight, sacrificing …

Poem: The punishers war

Bloods dripping In the sink, on the floor. Each cut runs every Direction, the punishers war. Fill with blame Guilt and sadness. It helps him to continue the madness. You cant take his toys He will always find something. Anything to punish And blood it will bring. He pushes her away As he takes over. …

Session done

A lot of tangents covered, holidays, relationships, punishment, the head and heart fighting each other and how last thursday my head won but with mental status and unsafe my heart won. But how when he came back he wanted to talk when I was in no state to do so. How Im constantly told I …

The before therapy rant

So tomorrows thanksgiving.. And I wish everyone and yours a very special day. I dont believe we should give thanks just one day a year but every breathing minute. I don't normally rant here I keep it private.. Neither my aunt nor my grandma has called to invite me and I know they do it …

Poem: Tears on the pillow

Her pillow left Tear soaken. She sits with a Heart thats broken. She lost a love She once knew. The years went on So fast they flew. But that didnt stop The memories in her heart. But it was the void of continued memories tearing her apart. A life of structure, stability, Routines, Dreams and …

Poem: A broken heart

His heart was weak he didn't take his meds. Check ups were just something that's crossed in his head. It came so fast, his heart stopped beating. They tried to save him, the attempt defeating. He didn't just go of a heart attack He left of a broken heart. He tried to make a life, …

Poem: Mind is racing

Mind is racing, it won't stop pacing. Not knowing which Direction to go. Its like its stuck not being in the know. Mind is racing, it won't stop pacing. Looking at all the problems its facing. Back and forth, past and present. Spinning around, Its becoming hell bent. Ups and down, Pros and cons. The …

Keep believing in yourself

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be, ....that's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself …

The surrendered Life

The Surrendered Life (an excerpt) Marianne Williamson To relax, to feel the love in your heart and keep to that as your focus in every situation--that's the meaning of spiritual surrender.  It changes us.  We become deeper, more attractive people. In Zen Buddhism, there's a concept called "zen mind," or "beginner's mind."  They say that …

Reflect, Learn, Grow

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it may be they have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance. They may be in your life to support you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. A difficult person can challenge you to grow in patience, forgiveness, and/or understanding. Some people may test your …

For you dad…

To this day I still try to mourn your loss. I wish you were here right now to help me figure life out, you were always my rock as was mom. But you always knew the ways to calm me.. You always knew, even when others may not have agreed with my life you only …