Fake it till you make it.. sigh but I'm doing good.. the lets "work on you getting sleep" yeah doc.. 2 hours wake u p take another pill then say screw it and the cat and I hit the nip Pill thing was empty so didn't know what day it was.. looked at day.. they were … Continue reading Exhausted

Another disassociation

10/25/13 * contains graphic image* After last night I numbed.. numbed to all emotion and whatever unknown pain had me cryinv hysterically with anxiety.. continuing through my workday until I finally came home.. took 2 anxiety pills and laid down.. woke up dry heaving and shaking.. my back and stomach burned from all the ddy … Continue reading Another disassociation

Love is Stronger than Pain

Facing Loneliness and Suicidal Thoughts Everything positive we do helps make the world a better place. Everything positive we do always does exactly what it was meant to do. No matter what happens, this is the truth. It doesn't matter if you ever find out or not if you're helping anyone by being positive. You are. … Continue reading Love is Stronger than Pain


Every time you are tempted to react to the same old circumstances in the same old way, ask yourself, “Do I want to be a prisoner of the past, or a pioneer of the future?”   True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to … Continue reading Relationships

Control your thoughts

How do you control your thoughts?  Through conscious choice and practice.  When you realize that you are worrying and fretting and are not practicing concern, try this: Plant your feet firmly in reality, and deal with the facts. Surrender to what you cannot change. Try to improve on it with a plan of action.  That … Continue reading Control your thoughts

Tougher by the day

And I don't me I am getting there. Each day I become weaker.. another cutting incident last night, a hurtful plan put out there, and this morning I couldn't even get through a day at work and being aroind people. I  left after 2 hours.. I cancelled my therapy and just feel like my hole … Continue reading Tougher by the day

Her soul and all that was in it

All was taken by her own hands.  A broken heart a broken soul.  Survivors include her family, friends, cat and boyfriend.  Her depression took over and dieing inside.  Slowly and painlessly, finally she put it all at peace. She survived a 10 year relationship and marriage before finally meeting her first true love. Finding out … Continue reading Her soul and all that was in it

Let her sleep

Let her sleep Let her dream. Doctors say the  lack of sleep making her the sceam. Exhaustion causing More depression. She's stuck in Severe remission. Anxiety builds as She needs her rest. Depression has her At its best. Isolation from loved ones Hiding and pushing the away. She waiting patiently For the fight to end … Continue reading Let her sleep

Confused and torn

She sits alone Confused and torn. Every movement She feels a torn. She lie awake Decisions flood her head. To let them go Is easier done dead. She's fighting life as Everyone says the need her. Its not her current strenght Somehthi g she can't endure. She ran once due to the same Untreated illness … Continue reading Confused and torn


This and therapy are my only real outlets and this is even questionable but I don't like putting it on social media and getting the sympathy.. I'm tired.. no, not go to sleep tired.. mentally tied, emotionally tired of the pain inside and out.. my heart, my wounds hurt.. my battle scars I see everyday … Continue reading Outlets

Take away her pain.. deep rooted pain.

Licking cat his wounds. She spends the day in pain trying to reflect on what happened. Told she stopped texting for about 40 minutes. She can'take out a time frame.  But the next morning she can really see the damage. Blood was everywhere in the civered bandage.. she pulls herself up weak in her midsection. … Continue reading Take away her pain.. deep rooted pain.

Therapy 10/24/13

Talked about my drive and thoughts last friday that hurt Cj to hear it.. but he had to know.. (ref: driving toward the horizon blog) And of course in talking about my dreams being dust had to talk about steve is still a topic in healing.. and his manipulative abuse.. when my therapist said sometimes … Continue reading Therapy 10/24/13