Forgiveness

Edgy and irritable

Maybe its the depression, maybe its life, maybe ita just me. I'm edgy and irritable, anxious and everything is hurting me emotionally and mentally. Why do I have to live this way? Ehy can't I be better? Why can't my meds work? What have I done ao wrong in life to have to live thus …

Overloaded and alone

This therapist vot more out of me in an bour than 5 weeks of group.Do you remember me telling you the reaccurring dream I had where dad was with me staring down at me on an operating table and was half way between there and heaven.  I explained that to her.. she said that was …

I Don’t Always Want to Die

Reading over my discharge papers. AXIS I: MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER RECURRENT, SEVERE.AXIS IV: SOCIAL ENVIRONMENTS, SUPPORT AXIS V: 50 Recurrent Major Depression: I Don’t Always Want to Die One of the most horrific aspects of major depressive disorder is the severe stages of it, when the pain is most unbearable and so intense that a …

Worst sensations

Last night after hours of arguing, sitting at the pool alone, walking around outside, texting I'm was done (with arguing) and as always he was going for a drive but the m minute I do the same its wrong. He stayed on the couch. I set a boundey if he's leaving I'm not stoppi g …

Marbles

So when we 'graduate' group per se.. we marble out.. "get our marbles back. I chose these two.. the top on representing whem I got there, the black for the darkness I felt trapped in.. the other colors to show embarassment, ashamed and defeated as my suicide attempt was not sucessful and now I was …

The wall thickens

No on in, no one out. Too many quetions and mentally capable of handling them or making changes. This week is going to be a lot on me.. stoping the routine of group, its been my ONLY safe place. When I told the therapist that I felt like I was just a shell she agreed …

I forgive, but I don’t trust

I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them.  I just don’t have time to hate people who hurt me, because I’m too busy loving people who love me.  The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Be brave.  Be …

Unhappiness

Im more and more frusterated each day, depression and anxiety have such a hold on me.. living with constant anxiety and having to take pills every day sometimes several hours a day. I WANT to just cry but cant tell myself its okay. So ai sleep alot. LAST night resorting to alot of alcohol just …

Finding hobbies and trends is hard.

So a friend and I are talking about therapy she's gonna start going.. so I told her when I go to mine thursday I plan on showing up drunk and telling her all about my purple unicorn and flying monkies. then I be going to places saying my names dana and I'm supposedly an alcoholic …

Let me out, set me free

I need out of so many things in life, depression, people, things. I spent 18 hours in bed couldnt get out of the depression that took over.  Alone. Now I sit here alone telling myself to go - get out - go for a drive like I used to, go to the cemetary, do solitary …

Bad depressive episode

Hello me, It was nice spending the day in bed with you from approximately 230 pm yesterday to 830 this morning. But that's not healthy and some major isolation and depression. You haven't even fed me since noon on thursday.  When are you gonna get us back? Now its time to get off your ass …

Controlling and ruining my life

I feel like this depression is controlling and ruining my life. Looking back, even to my last relationship ONE of many reasons I left is because I knew I was getting much worse without treatment, didnt have time to.. and I couldnt let those I loved so deeply slowly see me die. My health is …

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