Empty and Bleeding Tired of Believing. Emotionless And numb. Anxiety and Fear. Lost in This world Broken and Shattered. Illness Takes over. Razors and Knifes. Alcohol and Pills No end in Sight. Put on the mask Pretend to fight. Empty and Bleeding. Love is all In needing. She dies Inside. That she Cant hide. A … Continue reading Words

Blood falls like april rain

Left alone she asked help she was needing, Hours later it was Too late, she was bleeding. She tried to asking for help and then a walk as Her crisis plan said. But she couldnt walk forever Dark at night her legs heavy as lead. Shes ashamed of her illness Cutting and depression. She was … Continue reading Blood falls like april rain

Break my heart.. un-numb me.

Sitting with radio going.. watching kids play and well.. weakness.. failure.. typical day. Therapy found a root to my depression and I cant fix it.. I cant and wont change who I am its what everyone loves.. that I care enough to put their needs before mine.. there I said it.. but it goes so … Continue reading Break my heart.. un-numb me.

Is this what I get

Is this what I get for all the love Ive given to others and not taking time to let me be loved? The feeling of not wanting to live, the feeling of losing who I have always been, the social butterfly who is now stuck in a cocoon.  I know Ive hurt others as I … Continue reading Is this what I get

Lets go deeper shall we…

Today I have a racing mind of fears.... and its a lot to process... Fear of letting go Fear of being more isolated Fear of being alone Fear of being unloved Fear of rejection Fear of judgement Fear of hurting others emotionally Fear of taking down this wall Fear of letting people back in Fear … Continue reading Lets go deeper shall we…

New week or new weak

Its a new week in treatment, a new week to try and un numb. Will I get out of the house besides that and a doctors appointmnt? Doubtful. I tried Saturday making errand runs to walmart, target and Sams. Came bome with chestpains and a headache - anxiety strikes. I tried Sunday.for shoe shopping - … Continue reading New week or new weak