Words

Empty and Bleeding Tired of Believing. Emotionless And numb. Anxiety and Fear. Lost in This world Broken and Shattered. Illness Takes over. Razors and Knifes. Alcohol and Pills No end in Sight. Put on the mask Pretend to fight. Empty and Bleeding. Love is all In needing. She dies Inside. That she Cant hide. A …

Blood falls like april rain

Left alone she asked help she was needing, Hours later it was Too late, she was bleeding. She tried to asking for help and then a walk as Her crisis plan said. But she couldnt walk forever Dark at night her legs heavy as lead. Shes ashamed of her illness Cutting and depression. She was …

Break my heart.. un-numb me.

Sitting with radio going.. watching kids play and well.. weakness.. failure.. typical day. Therapy found a root to my depression and I cant fix it.. I cant and wont change who I am its what everyone loves.. that I care enough to put their needs before mine.. there I said it.. but it goes so …

Poem: I told you not to love me

Poem: I told you not to love meWhen we talked onlineI told you not to love me. When we met in person I warned you again, to see. Loving me would belifes biggest regret.  I told you not to love mefor I was not the one.  I told you not to love methe day you said I was no fun I …

A purpose

That was my answer, as my worried aunt has not heard from me in a while, asked if I needed anything.  I once saw so much purpose to live. School, work, family, me.. this has gotten so bad there is no work, school, exercise... I have an important walk coming up and I cant even …

REVISED: Tough realization

Today we focus on self esteem. We were asked to put what we were taught as a child that we apply to life today. I explained I had a mental block until my dad came into my life. After much prying we concluded that I always put me last because I have already been saved …

Coward

The days get harder as I surface everything I dont want to face with the past chapters in life that are unresolved. Learning a lot but dont know how to cope with it. Guilt that shouldnt be, the fact of my perfectionism caused by fear of rejection leading to being harder on myself as a …

Is this what I get

Is this what I get for all the love Ive given to others and not taking time to let me be loved? The feeling of not wanting to live, the feeling of losing who I have always been, the social butterfly who is now stuck in a cocoon.  I know Ive hurt others as I …

Mind is a prison

She looks in the mirror A face of shame. Shes staring back at herself Only her to blame. She took them in and Made them her own. Now that her heart has A void, feeling alone. She made them Her entire life. All she tried to be Was a perfect wife. Her illness made this …

Lets go deeper shall we…

Today I have a racing mind of fears.... and its a lot to process... Fear of letting go Fear of being more isolated Fear of being alone Fear of being unloved Fear of rejection Fear of judgement Fear of hurting others emotionally Fear of taking down this wall Fear of letting people back in Fear …

In the back of her mind

I Listened to a girl in group upset she talked to her ex fiance over the weekend and the way he manipulates. I was able to offer suggestions, maybe good maybe bad bbut on a break I thought this up after hearing her. We always try to be nice but they always know the triggers. …

New week or new weak

Its a new week in treatment, a new week to try and un numb. Will I get out of the house besides that and a doctors appointmnt? Doubtful. I tried Saturday making errand runs to walmart, target and Sams. Came bome with chestpains and a headache - anxiety strikes. I tried Sunday.for shoe shopping - …

Invisible Illness

Isolation

If you could see Inside my heart You would see We are not far apart. If you could see My world upside down You would see a Face carries a frown. Anxiety builds As I leave the house. I'd rather be in my Element quiet as a mouse. Secluded and isolated From the world outside. …

Reality of fear