YoU dont know how it feels…

Im always the first to be hard on myself.. not through words of hate but just through thoughts of failing... I have decided to call this my illness of depression.. my alter ego. Do you know how it feels to not want to get out of bed.. to force yourself to get up.. shower.. clean.. …

Help failed me.. I failed me.. beating myself up.

A failed attempt to get better that slipped me further back. I left AMA last night.. I let go of my ego and pride the littl e I had left and took myself as I got worse... I went in for an assesment per my Doctor, for a second opinion on my diagnosis.  Once in …

Admitted…

I sit and cry.. scared as I wait to be admitted.. so while I have phone I will talk to myself.. they dont know how long I will be here.. 2-7 days.. I just want ke back and dont want to be here on the planet.. I have no action just a feeling but I …

‘Scared to death

Scared shitless but what about to do is only rational unselfish choice..I feel ao defecti ce, damaged and unhuman. embarrased, ashamed, feel guilty and hopeless. I Know and hear there is no reason I need to feel that way or be sorry 😦 pray for something good.. I dont want to do this but cant …

Depression fallouts: The impact on couples

Love and depression speak different languages. Every man and woman in a relationship touched by depression comes face to face with this unpleasant truth.What is depression fallout?Although each believes that he or she is living through a unique situation, the behavior of both parties conforms to a predictable pattern.One participant acts according to the dictates …

Life will break you..

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. …

Failure

Jillian Conley Failure is the first step to success.                     Anne Baxter I wasn't afraid to fail. Something good always comes out of failure.  Brian G. Jett There is a vast difference between feeling like a failure, and actually being one.Malcolm Forbes Failure is success if we learn from it.Unknown Author One who makes no mistakes never makes …

Conclusion

I have come to the conclusion that I am a thinker with a serious writing addiction.  Actually this is like my outlet.. when thoughts hit.. Paper and pen aren't as convienent as they used to be, but no matter where I am I can access this.  Right now, Im just tired of tears falling.. I …

Crashing around me..

As the song goes "The tears dont fall, they crash around me" Ive written most of the day its what I do.... I can sit not blink or even when I close my eyes, they fall.. Im tired of this battle.. how does someone take 7 pills in the morning and 5 at night and …

Therapy

My writing is my therapy, My writing is my release. Talking to myself, Trying to be at peace. My mind spininning, Hands are shaking. Thinking of those Who's hearts are breaking. Seeing me sad, Its making me mad. I dont want to be here But its not my time to go

I am strong woman with broken wings

I am a strong woman with broken wings I wonder if there will come a time I won't be broken I see the happiness in past and present I want to be understood and accepted for the real me I am woman with broken wings I pretend the best I can to carry a smile when down I …

I forgive you , and I forgive myself.

  Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened because it will not change.   Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused the hurt; we each could have chosen differently, but we didn't.   Forgiveness is looking at the pain , learning the lessons it has produced , …

Blackhawks Top Bruins To Win Stanley Cup

As it should be.. and I called it weeks ago should have put money on it.. s orry Bruins friends.. NOT

Depression’s Arms

I can see Depression, He's off in the distance calling for me with open arms wanting me to come I try to resist as much as I can but He's signing the hypnatizing song A song that I heard several times and can never resist, no matter what ... Finally came in my Depression's arms …

Sleep

When all I wanna do is sleep that was my dads always sure sign I was getting depressed... Its one extreme to the next weeks of insomnia or this.. . so last night after hospital I went home made homemade french fries and breaded hot wings.. by 7 I was asleep on the couch, at …